Happy New Year, world.

These markers of time are always times of introspection for me. Birthdays, holidays, the turning of seasons and years. I think of where I was this time last year. My entire world has shifted, in many ways, some things never really do.

This year gone, I finished my stint at Dana, spoke at graduation, saw a few worlds crumble.
I fought and loved, I raged and I dreamt.
I saw things end and things begin, it was been quite the year.

As always, I never could have imagined my life now this time last year. And, a little less usual, I have been wonderfully surprised.

I proved to myself that I could do what I thought I might never be able to. I returned to Boston after a summer spent spinning an sleeping uneasy under a windowsill often visited by afternoon thunderstorms. I started the college era of my life and so far it has been amazing. After getting mixed up in other's lives back home, after crashing into Ash, after looping back to a past that I would be wise to walk away from, after being tied to family and the months, days, years before all of this, after letting many things go in my days and in my mind, I am here. I have met some incredible people. My friends at school give me hope. For a long time, since I was a kid and very strongly at Dana, I was an outsider in many ways, always a little off and always a little lame. I would never consider myself conventionally cool and I am glad of it. These few months have shown me that there are others out there who feel the same, who enjoy being smart and learning what they can, kids who like climbing trees and video games and more than anything, have the kind of curious, creative and wonderful spirits that I have been looking for.

If you had described my life now to me last year, I probably would have laughed and tried not to get my hopes up.

Right now, I am in the process of getting to know some pretty great people. I am in a great environment and i am excited about where my life is going, wherever that might be, without the characteristic, neurotic fear that I usually experience towards the future.

At the dawn of this year, I am hopeful. The world is out there and I have my eyes open. I want to reach out and touch the world, I am hoping for spring soon. Right now I am awaiting stories and adventures with people I enjoy, I am curious and happy, my favorite versions of me.

I won't say that I have completely shrugged off the aspects of my past that continue to shape my mind, but I am getting there.

There are just so many things that I am looking forward to this year. I am proud of myself for this year. As usual, there are always things that we would do different, but for the most part, I am at a very good place in my life right now, I think that I am doing alright for myself.

I did well the first semester, surprised myself with grades. I've held down a part-part-time job, I am on okay grounds with both my mom and my dad, I am stabilizing in some ways, I surprised myself with my affections, I am feeling free. I feel like I broke away from external things I couldn't agree with. I am free, in many ways. I am free to think, to love, to adventure and form a life for myself.

Things I learned this year: Destruction and creation are the same things. Sometimes, things take you were you need to be, even though it may not seem to be the case. The subway system is not that hard to figure out. I can actually do college work. Never underestimate yourself or those around you, especially based on understanding life in general. Hamberguesa (hah). Love, affection, lust, companionship, happiness, all of these are independent of gender/race/other stuff in my mind. Pizza days pizza is actually amazing at three am. Boredom is epidemic.

I have learned so many things this year.

I will see you this time next year, I wonder how it will be?

I couldn't believe you anyway.   

and I am glowing in a dark room.

Sometimes the present is a crash. A collision between the past and tomorrow. Sometimes it is something of it's very own.

A moment is on repeat in my mind. Don't mind my corners, the angles that confuse sometimes.

Ahh... I love this song.

"Today is the first day of my life..."

That is a little of how I am right now. Things seem new, new family members, new snow, new song for an old day.

Hopeful, it's nice.

"These things take forever, I especially am slow."

"And I wondered if I could come home."

does it feel like we are getting another chance? As if we were all just waking up.

I look around, and there you all.

"I could go any where with you, and I'd probably be happy"

"So if you want to be with me, with these things there's no telling, so we'll just wait and see."

ahh, bright eyes, keeping me company tonight.

I know where I would rather be.

so. I am happy.

I am a little scared, I usually am, but I am happy.

"Your's is the first face that I saw"

I want to go driving and watch the sun come up somewhere, I want to sleep for a few days, I just want to lay here and listen to that song again and be near you, I just want to listen to the radio and the guitar and heartbeats.

I am. Strangly optimistic. Uncharectaristically content, I am happy here, I think.

I keep wanting to write, here and there, I keep wanting to say all of the things floating around my head, I think things and they get filed away.

Even my dreams are calm, they don't chase me as they usually do.

"Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?"

A little Rise Against for your soul.

I do not feel like bad luck, or a bad memory. I feel like a person, like me, like something living and real.

I feel real. It's weird, but I do and I don't usually.

I am tired, but I wake up and I want to see people, I want to go outside and stay inside and sleep and drive and drink too much coffee and I want to kiss hard and dance slow and dream in three dimensions and I can't wait to hear the next story.

the wind is pacing outside, as if it forgot something and now can't sleep.

I don't feel lonely anymore.

I am going home (one of them) for the break.

The world, life, everything. It's right here.

I think I feel a sleep comin on.

G'night kids